The Loneliness of the (not so) Long Distance Runner

And so it begins. At 6am this morning I awoke to begin my training for the Dublin City Marathon which takes place on 27 October 2008. Normally, the recommended training time for a marathon is 24 weeks, and you run the marathon in the 25th. Unfortunately, I made my decision to run this race about 6 weeks too late to complete a full training program, and therefore I'm going to have to build up slightly more intensively over the first couple of weeks than would be ideal.

There's an old saying that even the longest journey starts with the first step and this morning was no different. New runners, new training gear and lots of nervous energy combined to make the first few minutes seem to fly by. However, last nights beers with Alison and Darren soon kicked in and I was huffing and puffing so much I was in danger of sending Dorothy back to Oz. Beer is off my list of accepted substances!

Now, training for a marathon is all about the length of time you run for, not just the speed. My schedule is fairly simple. I will run 5 times a week. For the first 8 weeks that will consist of 3 short(er) runs and 2 long(er) runs. For the last 9 weeks it will swap for 2 short(er) and 3 long(er). For the first week my runs will average between 15-20 minutes, just to build up my lungs etc again. In the 23rd week my runs will vary between 1.5 to 2.5 hours. The penultimate week is a kind of rest week where I will only do 4 short 30 minute runs all leading up to the big race. There is no point in running for any longer than 2.5 hours in training because you wouldn't prepare for climbing Everest by climbing Everest.

At this moment in time I'll be very happy with a time of 5 hours (that's how unfit I am) but to be honest, I'd love to break 4 hours. That will mean running each KM in 5 minutes, 33 seconds (or each mile in 9 minutes 15 seconds). Why am I doing this again!!!

Even though this is a very selfish challenge, I will probably pick a charity to run for and be looking for money off you so get your wallets out. I will update you on this more in future posts. Next on my to do list though is to go to the doctor for a medical certificate, showing I don't have a dodgy strawberry!

So there it is, the race has begun....eek!

Run Fatboy, Run

Today begins a new chapter in the life of your blogger. You see, despite being vegetarian a love of dairy products and alcohol (and not going to the gym in over 6 months) has left me with the following proportions (as you can see in the picture opposite):

Normal Head (but kind of peanut shaped actually)

Normal Neck

Normal Arms

Man Boobs

Beer Belly

Normal Legs

I'm not sure if you noticed the two odd ones out there. Anyway, I certainly have.

Therefore, as of today I am off beer for one month and I'm going to try and reduce my dairy intake from, eh every meal, to just once a day. No chocolate, crisps or sweets either, in other words, I'm about to become a very boring, miserable bastard, but it will be all worth it when I don't have to suck my belly in for hours on end when out in public.

On top of that I'm going to start running again, and try, really try, to run (not walk dressed like a clown or something) a marathon in 2009. So there it is, out in the big bad world of the Internet, where everybody can remind me about it.

So get ready friends, I'm going to be miserable for quite a while.

XO

Vegetarianism Can't Make you Sexy (Unless you're Bones!)

PETA, everybody's favourite fundamentalists, are running a competition to find out who is the Sexiest Vegetarian Celebrity 2008. It's quite a long list but the organisers have made a fundamental (see what I did there?) mistake. Vegetarians are not sexy.

Think about it, a diet consisting of lots of fibre can only lead to excess wind and while farting can sometimes be very funny if it involves forcing someone to smell one beneath the duvet, it is never sexy, unless you're into scat movies of course, and then you're beyond help.

Imagine your on a hot date with one of the candidates, say Russel Brand or Jenna Jameson (I find it hard to believe that she's a vegetarian considering the amount of meat she's had inside her over the years btw) and things are going fine until all of a sudden you notice their pasty skin (sans photoshopping/hours of make up) and the constant smell of cabbage.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a vegetarian, so is my more stable other half, but while she is very attractive for lots of reasons there's nothing sexy about her being a vegetarian.

Now if they had a Most Committed Vegetarian Celebrity 2008, I could understand, but sexiest? It's a very flawed poll.

Okay, so I voted for Emily Deschanel, but I mean, look at her!

Why the Internet Should be Shut Down

Hark, what have we here? Is this a new blog from the people (here's a secret, it's really just me) that bring you your twice weekly update on all that's new with the Irish indie music scene? Yes, it appears to be.

By now, no doubt, 83% of you have stopped reading. But for the other 29% who think I'm no good at maths (and likewise, comedy) but requested that I consider blogging on more general things (life, politics, the M50); well, here it is.

I hope to update this blog as often as possible and will use it to fill you in on the spectacular events that surround my every breath. Seriously, I'm very important, I own many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

So there it is, a brief introduction about Needle in the Haze.

Stay classy,

IK